It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Your penis caused this!
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