Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize