I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
