i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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