I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
