no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
