Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You ruined the universe
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
