She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
