I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
