I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
