you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
