1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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