I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
