brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
