what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize