So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
