I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
