I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We just shotgunned beers for America
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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