I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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