Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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