we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
