Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize