I just pynch a tree in the face
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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