We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
