The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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