it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
