I think my vagina is haunted
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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