I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
