and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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