6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sober January is a disaster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
