haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
