i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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