road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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