I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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