I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
