I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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