Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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