I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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