Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry my hands just texted you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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