Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
