No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
