I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
