All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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