and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
