apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
