Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
