I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
