things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
