he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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