If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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