ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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