Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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