I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
