wrigley field is MILF paradise
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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