that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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