Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
