Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
