cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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