a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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