6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
