Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
