accomplished twins. life is a go
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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