my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
