Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
