Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I will pee on everything he values.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
