Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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