his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Randomize
