I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
