I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize