She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
