her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
