You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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