I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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