You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
