last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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