I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
